insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
