Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
