you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
