he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
