We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize