if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
