dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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