does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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