we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize