There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
