dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
