why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
