yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
