ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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