Pappa wants mamma naked
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
