Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
