Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
