she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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