So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
