I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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