she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
