I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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