He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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