hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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