I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
