no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
