The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
