It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
