No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
