my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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