apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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