when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
