shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
