And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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