I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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