Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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