If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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