Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
