I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
