I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want nice things and good sex
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
