these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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