if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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