i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
