just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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