I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
