I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
