Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
