Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
