I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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