Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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