I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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