I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
