I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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