i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
