So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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