I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
