3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize