I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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