So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
