Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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