Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
