Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
