All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
