Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
