I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
