Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
