Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize