Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
do herpes really smell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
