so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
