I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i drank out of a bidet.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
