News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
