Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
