You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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