Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
