I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
