Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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