i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
