yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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