You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
