I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
