it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His hands were made for my vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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