i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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