I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
