I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
