Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
