So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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