i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
