Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
