so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
