thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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