my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you will always have a special place in my vag
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
