Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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