I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Of course I have a pirate flag
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
