when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
