i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize