There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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