Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
