i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
