i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize