we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
