Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
