I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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