I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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