So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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