ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
