i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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