Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
