You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
