is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
