We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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