If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Success! We fucked roommates!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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