In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
