god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
