walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
